Dealing With Setbacks: Homeownership

How do you cope when a situation in your life just keeps going wrong, seemingly no matter what you do?

Admittedly, I am not the best at dealing with setbacks. I’ve always been a very emotional person, and I have occasional bouts of unhealthy (and unaddressed) anxiety and depression.

Buying a house has proven to be a giant roller coaster of emotion. This week I was so sure we were through the worst of it, but we’ve hit a new, and really massive, roadblock. It’s been so incredibly frustrating to climb over obstacles, and then have our good vibes killed by another obstruction. We can see the finish line of closing ahead, but we’re trapped again by more bullshit.

And it’s exhausting. It’s really tough to imagine your life in this new house– start planning out your furniture, paint colors, and layout (not to mention dreaming of Christmas decorations, dinner parties, and raising a family there)– only to see that dream dangling precariously by a thread.

And, for me, the hardest part is not knowing how to proceed. Should we keep pushing, with all of our might, to try to get this house by any means possible? Or, should I start arranging a new plan that could be wonderful, if we just made it happen? If it were really over, I could grieve and move forward. But it’s not decided yet. We still have more pushing and more waiting to do.

Honestly, I really just want to stay in bed, watch movies, and pretend like we’re not on the precipice of such a large decision. The only thing that has pulled me a bit out of my funk is looking at my board of quotes and inspiration. Two quotes with very similar messages have reminded me that I really am lucky, and all of the important things in my life are still intact.

“Amor Fati – ‘love your fate,’ which is in fact your life” – Friedrich Nietzsche

“Be in love with your life, every detail of it.” – Jack Kerouac

I’ve always had the luck. Now I just need the peace.


2 thoughts on “Dealing With Setbacks: Homeownership”

  1. For what it is worth…and that could be about one dollar and 856 cents :) After 60+ years I’ve learned that when there are that many road blocks, then its time to look for a new “route.” Like God had this huge stick and he kept knocking me in the head and I kept not listening.

    Like you, I just want to go to bed and let it either play out or let the husband deal with it, but we’re strong, you are strong, and we both need our opinions on the table for all to see (we just need to have a day in bed first).

    My suggest is this: spent the time you need away from the entire issue, George too. You need a fresh perspective and even one day away, like Saturday, can give it to you. Don’t talk about it, don’t worry it to death, don’t ask opinions. Then Sunday or Monday talk/what you think about it. It’s not the only house for sale, it probably isn’t your dream home. If you have to pack up and go live in a by-the-month hotel for a month, that can be fun. Take your wi-fi capable laptops and go South :) Rent a cabin or mobile or RV! for a month and live on the beach. You can both work anywhere in the world with wi-fi.

    As you can tell, this is not the opinion of a parent, or anyone who ever had kids :) Its from someone who has spent most of her life living on the road and working at jobs most people don’t know about or they only dream about.

    Best wishes!

    1. Thanks for the advice and well-wishes. I keep wondering if all of this struggle is a sign. Or if it’s just a way for me to solidify my feelings about loving this house (or moving on).
      I keep thinking about all of the crazy adventures we could be having elsewhere, but I don’t know if it’s just because I want to escape the situation. Right now we’re working on the plan for the house and the first back-up plan simultaneously. Luckily, we have a very busy weekend ahead with friends, so I think it will be a wonderful distraction and way for us to clear our heads.

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